World News

Trump Drops Major Trade Bombshell, UK Rejoices

President Trump, in a move that has sent shockwaves through the global economy, announced a groundbreaking trade deal with the United Kingdom. Speaking from the Oval Office, Trump revealed that the ag...

Holy Sh*t, We Did It! America Gets Its First Pope!

Vatican City - You won't believe it, folks, but after nearly 2000 years of Catholicism, we finally did it! The cardinal electors gathered for the papal conclave elected an American as the new pontiff....

Pope from 'Murica! Y'all Get Ready to Praise Jesus and Freedom!

Holy smokes, the Catholic Church just elected an American as their new pope! Chicago-born Cardinal Robert Prevost, a real red-blooded American patriot, is now the leader of the free world's 1.4 billio...

LGBTQ Catholics Hope for a Pope Who's Not a Total Pr*ck

As the conclave to select a new pope begins this week, LGBTQ Catholics are crossing their fingers and hoping that whoever gets picked won't be a total pr*ck when it comes to inclusion. Let's face it, ...

Fighter Jets Love the Red Sea, Who Knew?

For the second time in just over a week, an F/A-18E Super Hornet fighter jet assigned to the USS Harry S. Truman has decided to take a dip in the Red Sea! This time, the pilots managed to escape with ...

India-Pakistan Tensions Reach New Heights, No Seriously This Time

So, India decided to spice things up and fired some missiles into Pakistan. Just a casual Wednesday morning for these guys! The Pakistani Army reported at least 19 people were killed, and 38 others we...

Two Behind-The-Times Danish Pirate Wannabes Found Sleeping with the Fishes

Two Danish vessels from the 18th-century evidently missed the memo that pirate fashion was so last season. Rather, they chose to pursue the life of the rogue seafarer off the coast of Costa Rica - at ...

Vancouver's Worst Valet Parking, as Car Brashly Joins Street Festival!

In a jaw-dropping spectacle of vehicular gallantry gone wrong, a man decided it'd be a huffy puffy riot to enter a Filipino Heritage festival in Vancouver with his car. Now, I'm not talking about a sm...

Trump's Whoopee Cushion Diplomacy Enlivens Pope Francis' Funeral

In a doodle-twisty-turvy diplomatic turnabout, President Trump and Ukraine's President Zelenskyy played a game of 'Who had the last pierogi?' before the funeral of Pope Francis. The sombre occasion ap...

Congo's Comical Coup Collaboration: A Tale of Three Stooges

In an amusing turn of events over at the Democratic Republic of Congo, President Felix Tshisekedi, nickmaned Showtime Shufflefoot, has morphed the death sentences of three hapless American marauders c...